The Fool of Diego Garcia
by Evil Bunnies Inc
Summary: Amusement, humiliation, plain utter horror, Optimus Prime gets the last laugh. After today i think we can all relate. R&R ONESHOT


Fool me once, shame on you.

Fool me twice, shame on me.

Fool me more than five times in one day, the person who introduced _them_ to this stupid "holiday" needs to die.

"This day just can't end fast enough," I groaned, having retreated from the recently constructed rec. room. The looks I received as I walked through the NEST base weren't helping my mood. The headache I was developing was going to be a doozy. With a sigh and a shake of my head which proceeded to loosen some of the glitter that was currently covering my hair. I gave up on my current route to go find a hole to hide in.

Glitter bombs had been Sideswipe and the Chevy twins Idea, old Ironhide thought it be funny to rig up a paintball firing squad which I found out had been rigged for Epps and Lennox who had made me walk into the shooting range first.

Ratchet's prank was the kicker, non-chalantly I walked into the med bay to see if the medic had any acetaminophen because I must be psychic but I knew I was bound to get a headache at some point in the day. Anyway I asked Ratchet my million dollar question only to get a "oh just the person I was hoping to see" which is never good news. Ratchet proceeded to tell me that during my last checkup he had discovered an anomaly in one of his scans. Of course my heart skipped a beat. Only good sign was the way Ratchet spoke he was to 'happy' sounding, so it didn't mean I was dying. But all I get for an explanation is "congratulations mom".

Wasn't for the fact Jolt had choked back a laugh I might have had a heart attack. The second thing that kept me from going too far off the deep end was that I knew for a fact that being pregnant was impossible, I'm one of those rare women who firmly believed in saving herself for The One. Unless I suddenly became the new Virgin Mary, Lord help us all if I was because I'm not exactly a saint and don't plan being one, this was Ratchet's sick idea of a joke.

That was when I made my exit after giving Ratchet his patented medic glare stating I knew where he recharged and walked out, aspirin forgotten. Too bad that's when the headache began. Then I proceeded to the rec. room where I got hit by yet another prank, I either had bad luck or I started to become everyone's favorite target because by then everyone around knew about the glitter bombs and paintballs.

I left the main hanger and headed towards the beach, not really planning to go somewhere specific but needed to get away. So I wandered the island shore for an hour when I noticed I had come across a rather secluded cove. It was peaceful, serene and pretty soothing. White capped waves lapping at the sandy shore, white sands, a pair of sea birds playing in the warm salt filled breeze, the Autobot leader standing with his gaze to the sea…

I nearly ran away screaming on impulse, which how my day has been I don't think I would be blamed if I had ran. I had mentally force myself to remember that it was Optimus Prime and he's too professional and considerate of others to do something as stupid as everyone else had been doing.

I would have left. Actually I was going to leave the stoic leader alone with his thoughts when his baritone voice, that was commanding even when it was not meant to be, had stopped me, "you do not have to leave." You just can't refuse giving your full attention and obeying whenever Optimus spoke.

I turned to give the large mech a small smile as his gaze pulled away from the blue-green water to look at me. "I didn't want to disturb you." It was true he seemed deep in thought.

The Autobot leader returned my small smile with his own, "I welcome the company."

No matter how intimidating in size he was I just couldn't help but relax when around him. His aura radiated trust, friendship, and safety. How can you not feel safe around a dude packing enough firepower to level a building like it was a house of cards?

If he had noticed the glitter and patches of paint I hadn't wash off he didn't say anything, though the way he had glanced at me spoke volumes that he more than likely knew what happened, internal communications and all that. I'm just lucky I never ended up with the old raccoon eyes prank pulled on me. But it's still early I can't jinx it.

I let out a sigh, "I just needed to get away from everything, you know for some peace and quiet"

Optimus nodded, "I believe you and I had the same thought."

"Just our reasons differ." That was the moment my headache decided to remind me it was still there causing me to wince.

Whatever the Autobot leader had been about to say was cut off when he noticed my wince from unseen pain. "Are in need of medical attention?" the Prime's voice full of sincere concern. I managed a small smile to reassure him only to wince once more.

"N-no, it isn't anything serious just a headache, Ratchet pranked me before I could get pain killers and fled for the beach," I said with an aggravated sigh remembering what had been the cause of the headache. "I actually came out here to get away from everyone."

I shook my head trying to clear it, which is not a good thing to do when suffering a headache. The action had dislodged more glitter that was in my hair. I glared at the sparkling flecks. "This stuff is going to be a pain to wash off."

"Is it normal to wear large amounts of reflective dust?" I honestly could not tell if he a genuinely curious as when I glanced up at him he had an odd look in his optic that I just couldn't peg.

"Normally? No. In fact I hate glitter," I answered looking up at the near thirty foot tall being, "The stuff is near impossible to wash off, I seriously suggest it become standard weapon tactic for soldiers, hard to fight a war when you're busy getting glitter off. Bonus is it doesn't kill and it is a kinder form of torture all in one. Toss glitter on the 'cons poof war is over."

Optimus chuckled the sound alone seemed to ease my headache to a dull throb, the amused smile on his face plate was replaced by mild confusion when he asked, "I do not understand. If you do not enjoy wearing the material why are you wearing large amounts of it?"

"It wasn't by choice that's for sure." I said irritated, it wasn't directed at Optimus but I still felt I should apologize, "sorry, it's been a long day and it's not even noon." I ran my hand through my hair causing more glitter to be taken by the wind, "who ever told you Autobots about pranks and its significance to today's date needs to be punted into the ocean."

Glancing at the large mech I notice his optics dim, I knew he was looking up the information as what I was talking about. After a moment his optics returned to their full brilliance as he looked down at me confused, "It is said that April first is an enjoyable date for playing pranks, but you do not seem to be enjoying it."

"I have nothing against pranks, actually I love pranks," I explained earning the red and blue mech's attention, "I just wish the others would pick on someone else. There is a limit to how often one person can be pranked."

"I see" Optimus said thoughtfully, his gaze returning to the water, my gaze followed. We stayed like that for a while. It was relaxing watching the water, listening to the birds feeling the wind smelling the salt air. My headache long forgotten as the two of us remained silent.

A half a hour passed, at least I thought it have been thirty minutes at this point I didn't care but I figured I might as well head back to the compound and back into the metaphorical lion den. I tore my gaze away from the hypnotic sea and looked to my companion to find him already turning his gaze to me with an inquiring look. He either read my mind or his sensors or whathaveyou sensed me move.

"I should probably get back, military gets antsy when a civilian with limited clearance disappears without notice, especially when I left I was in a murderous mood."

Optimus shifted his stance moving away from where he stood for who know how long giving me a nod in understanding. I had been about to question his sudden movement but stopped as he began folding down into his vehicle form. It was official I would never get tired of seeing the Autobots transform. Settled into his Peterbuilt form Optimus opened his driver side door in invitation.

"May I offer you a ride back then?" Ever polite, Optimus Prime was the ultimate gentleman. Instead of voicing my answer I climbed into his cab and got comfortable as the seatbelt snaked across before securing into the buckle with an audible 'click'. The Autobot leader began heading for the buildings that made up Diego Garcia base.

"Thanks Optimus," I began, staring out the window as the scenery passed by, there was no hurry to return and the large mech seemed to be in no hurry to return just enjoying what was a short drive, "you're a wonder cure for headaches."

"You are quite welcome," the baritone voice said seemingly coming from everywhere with a hint of a smile , "I enjoyed your company. If ever you need a quiet moment away from everything or someone to speak to just remember I'll…"

His pause had me bring my gaze to his radio as it flipped on immediately playing:

'_Never gonna give you up_

_Never gonna let you down_

_Never gonna run around and desert you_

_Never gonna make you cry'_

My jaw dropped in disbelief, I just could not believe what just happened had actually happened.

Optimus Prime just Rick rolled me.

The Autobot leader shutoff his radio and spoke his voice full of humor and a bit smug for having accomplished his prank. "I believe the phrase is 'April Fools'" he said chuckling.

I didn't know whether to jump from the cab and run screaming or to just cry. I went with dropping my head onto Optimus' steering wheel. A small part of me cheered as I caused large amount of the remaining glitter in my hair to cover Optimus' interior.

I should have known it was a trap.

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><p><strong>AN:** the Reviewers wanted to know who the mystery woman is. Originally it was a nameless OC. But i decided to leave who ever this poor girl was to all of you. It can be anyone, it can be you, me, an OC, Mikaela, Maggie, the new girl in TF3 Carly, heck it can be you're half sister's cousin's sister's best friend's brother's girlfriend's 13th cousin 4 times removed.

more fun that way! have fun because i know i did. now that you know the game tell me what you thought.


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